Holidays from the Sidelines

One of the hard parts of bed rest is the feeling that you can't really participate in life.  I'm finding this especially challenging during the holiday season.  I can eat Thanksgiving dinner, but I can't contribute to the making of it.  I can watch as people decorate the Christmas tree, but I can't put ornaments on it myself.  As I look at people's posts of playing in the snow, going to a holiday show, or baking Christmas cookies, I really feel like I am missing a lot of the "magic" of the season and hope that Nathaniel is not missing too much of it as a result.  

So here it is...I wish I could:

• Do some of my Christmas shopping in a store
• Participate in my school's Secret Santa gift exchange
• Take my son to make a sock puppet at the Visionary Art Museum or to see "The Princess and the Pea" puppet show...I ended up throwing out my Baltimore Kids magazine so as not to see anything else that I can't do with him
• Take my son to a Breakfast with Santa...or at least to see Santa at the mall
• See my son's holiday show at preschool (Well, we'll have to see how my doctor's appointment goes Thursday...it will be really hard to miss this!)
• Play in the first snow of the season with Nathaniel
• Decorate the Christmas tree
• Bake Christmas cookies with Nathaniel
• Make a gingerbread house
• Look at a recipe on Pinterest and actually go out and buy the ingredients/cook it so as to satisfy a craving
• Help to pick out the Christmas tree
• Get holiday photos taken

And even as I look at this list, I know that I am so fortunate to have my wonderful family around to help me.  Every day that my little one stays inside is a victory, and my family will make it through this rough patch.  I'm 30 1/2 weeks, which is still really early but not nearly as scary as where I was when I was put on bed rest. Hoping to make it at least 6 1/2 more...and a little extra to get the nursery ready!

In any case, thanks to Isaias, my mom, and my brother, we have a decorated Christmas tree!

The stockings are hung by the staircase with care...

Oh, and we have our first snow of the season!  This is about halfway through today's storm.  The chickens stayed inside their coop today (the red barn), and we had tons of birds at our bird feeder (including a woodpecker!).

Thankful

Since today is the day before Thanksgiving, it seems appropriate to express gratitude for all of the many things I have to be thankful for today.

First and foremost, I am thankful for my family, who has helped me out so much during the past six weeks.  My mom has come over countless times to help clean my house, do laundry, play with Nathaniel, put together his birthday party, and many other things.  I honestly don't know how I would make it through this time without her.  My husband has had to really step up to the plate to take on responsibilities that I would normally do.  He has been preparing dinner, cleaning up, bathing Nathaniel, and taking him to preschool two days a week.  My Dad and brother Jeff have come to visit me several times, always providing much-needed entertainment and relief from otherwise long days.

I am thankful for all of the people who have taken time to visit, or call, or even just send an e-mail or text message.  One of the challenges of bed rest is feeling isolated from the rest of the world.  With the exception of going to the doctor, I have very little interaction with other people (other than Isaias and Nathaniel).  This is quite a change from being a high school teacher and literally interacting with about 100 people a day!

I am thankful for my job, which has been very accommodating and understanding through this whole process.  While U.S. laws in regard to maternity leave are by no means progressive, I have had no problems working with Baltimore County Public Schools to complete the necessary paperwork for my bed rest and maternity leave.  I feel safe in knowing that my position will still be available upon my return, and my financial resources are not in jeopardy during the meantime.  My department chair has done a wonderful job of finding a good replacement for me during my time out, and my department members keep in touch with me.  Not that I don't deserve this...I just began my 11th year at Owings Mills High School, but it's still pretty ideal for a person in my position.

Of course, I am thankful to still have my baby girl right inside me where she belongs!  While it is still way too early for her to come (29 weeks today), every day is a victory and brings a little reassurance.  I am thankful for all of the doctors, nurses, and ultrasound technicians who have taken care of me.

On a lighter note, I am thankful for the Internet, and all of the resources, support, friendship, and shopping that have made bed rest that much easier.

Perhaps most significantly, I am thankful for Nathaniel, who was born on November 28th four years ago.  He will turn 4 tomorrow (on Thanksgiving), and I could not be more thankful for all of the wonderful moments I have shared with him.  He has taught me so much about love and life.  Every day he touches my life in a new way, and I try to savor each moment.  During his birthday party Sunday, he came over to the sofa, gave me a hug, and kissed my belly, saying, "I love you baby."  I know that he is going to make an amazing big brother.  And every time I look at him, I know that I managed to give birth to one healthy, wonderful, full-term baby, and it gives me hope for this time.  So here is to reminiscing (4 years ago!):

11/27/09:  Ready to have a baby!

11/28/09:  Nathaniel was born at 12:19 am 6 lbs. 4 oz and alert!

Ups and Downs...

Warning:  This post contains information about the medical reasons behind my bed rest. 

This week has not been an easy one.  I'll begin on a positive note, though.  As of tomorrow, I will have made it through a full month of bed rest.  This is what I look like now at a little over 27 weeks (sorry for the selfie...).

This has been by far the worst week since I was put on bed rest.  First, I passed out and got sick after drinking my glucose drink for the glucose challenge test on Tuesday, and I couldn't get the necessary blood drawn since the results would be invalid.  Fortunately, my OB doesn't want me to go through the same test again.  I am going to do a different type of test next week to test my glucose levels.  Hopefully I will pass this test with flying colors, and I can enjoy my Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners!

So onto the real stuff...there are many reasons a woman can be put on bed rest during pregnancy.  I am on bed rest for a short/incompetent cervix (they are not sure which I have).  Basically, before a woman gives birth, her cervix thins and then dilates.  Mine thins early.  During my first pregnancy, I made it to 38 weeks and a few days (despite having a very short cervix for quite a while), so they aren't sure whether to consider it a "true incompetent cervix."  What I have gathered after talking to many doctors is that with this condition, they really don't know what will happen with any given woman or any given pregnancy.  However, since I had a successful first pregnancy, they remain hopeful that I can achieve the same results again.

With this pregnancy, my cervix has behaved much the same way that it did during the first one.  It had been stable for almost a month, giving me much hope and confidence.  However, on Thursday I had a cervical length check, and it has again reduced in length after being stable.  I find myself terrified now.  I am already doing everything that can be done to try to maintain my cervix and my pregnancy.  I am by nature a planner, and I do not like the unknown.  The reality is, I could go into labor at any time, or I could make it to term.  I can't explain how difficult it is to be in constant fear and doubt about whether I will go into labor early, if my baby will end up in the NICU, and if she will turn out to be a healthy little girl.  Bed rest in many ways exacerbates the feelings since I have plenty of time to let my mind wander.  Fortunately, I have mostly stuck to my self promise of staying away from google (for medical purposes) during this pregnancy!

To brighten the tone a bit, here are some pictures of the little one in all of her awesomeness:

Can you see how she's resting one leg on top of the other knee in this picture?

Don't look at me, she says (almost every time we try to take a peek!)

She allows a little peek of her face...

I'll have another check next week.  Wish us well, please!

Bed Rest with a Preschooler

My bed rest days, it seems, come in three different shapes and sizes.  There are the days when Nathaniel goes to preschool (about 2 days a week), the days when we are all home as a family (weekends), and the days that he stays home with me.  Isaias can't take him to preschool every day, so I try to have quality time with my son while lying on the sofa.  Here's a peek into some of the things we have done during the past week...

These great math cards and apples come from a Scholastic book order at Nathaniel's school.  We have spent some time doing the math, but Nathaniel really enjoys putting them in his recycling truck (along with the marbles in the bin).

Play-Doh is a huge hit lately.  Sometimes we spend hours playing with Play-doh.  This is his new Play-Doh Fun Factory.

I had to enlist Uncle Jeff and Isaias to help us with the pumpkin carving this year, but it still turned out well! Nathaniel insisted on a happy face.

Sadly, trick-or-treating was definitely not on my list of approved activities.  This is my cute little scuba diver in final preparations on October 30th (left) and ready to head out with some friends in Pennsylvania (right).  According to Isaias, he did a great job of waiting his turn and saying "trick-or-treat" and "thank you." I'm so sorry I missed it.  At least he brought me some candy.

I got this "mosaic" kit for Nathaniel soon after finding out I would be on bed rest (Amazon.com is my best friend).  It has different transportation pictures and little foam stickers to put on.  Turns out nicely!

 Of course, we have plenty of time to plan for Nathaniel's birthday party.  Can you guess the theme?  I will be cutting out lots of monster body parts so that kids can decorate their own Play-Doh containers.

Oh, and with Nathaniel there is always cooking!  Today Nathaniel made smoothies, eggs, and croissants for breakfast.  


We have also been reading lots of books, playing some games on the Kindle Fire, and watching a few more videos than I would like.  This is what I would really like to do with my son, though:

I guess there's next fall...

Bed Rest Beginnings

Bed rest.  I suppose I knew it was coming, but it's still hard to come to terms with.  So many thoughts have gone through my mind over the past week...

• Will my baby be okay?
• Does bed rest even work?  (The experts are unsure...)
• Why is this happening to me?  (It's not fair!  I'm a healthy woman!)
• How can I be a good mom to my 3-year-old son if I'm lying around?
• How can I be such a burden to my husband?
• How can I be a good wife while on bed rest?
• Will my students still learn without me?
• Will people miss me at work?
• What if I don't make it to term?
• How much strength will I lose?
• Will I even have the strength to give birth at the end of this road?
• And again...will my baby be okay?

Fortunately, most people can't possibly understand what it feels like to be placed on bed rest during a pregnancy.  For those who do, though, we know that it is not about just sitting back and watching your favorite TV shows or reading good books.  It's not a vacation from work.  The reality is that time slows down to the point where every week seems like an eternity.  Perhaps ironically, it's physically challenging to just lie around all day.  Beyond that, bed rest is an emotional and mental challenge like no other that I have experienced.

How do I know this?  I was prescribed bed rest with my son when I was 28 weeks pregnant.  In the end, I was let off of bed rest at 37 weeks, and he was born just 10 days before his due date.  So I made it.  I've done it.  I can do it again, right?

At least that's what I hope.  My doctors were very positive when I began my pregnancy this time.  After all, my son is considered full-term (although I know this is controversial since he wasn't a full 40 weeks...seriously, though, it was good considering my pregnancy!).  According to the doctors, the best predictor of my current pregnancy's success is that of my last pregnancy. I was told that hopefully I could spend more time on my feet this time around.  A little over a week ago, one perinatologist told me he didn't believe in bed rest, and he thought everything would be okay regardless.  Nothing has really changed since then.  

However, here I find myself today at 24 weeks 5 days pregnant, and I have been resting for 10 days.  Today I got the official leave paperwork.  I know that this pregnancy could end in disaster for my family.  And so the great mental challenge begins...

One of the keys to bed rest, I believe, is staying positive.  While it may not work, I am choosing to believe that it can and will.  As I continue this blog, I will no doubt have posts or moments that are dark.  My aim is to stay as positive as possible though.  After all, every day pregnant is a good one for my baby girl.